when christmas break began, i made a mental to-do list full of posts, projects, and other fun things. i completed a few of them (a fox print, a friend’s blog makeover) before succumbing to a nasty cold. i spent the bulk of time on the couch or in bed nestled under layers of blankets. i read the hobbit again, watched movies, drank tea, and coughed all over my sweet family (sorry michael and sophie).
all the while it seeped in— restlessness. it’s the feeling i get when i’m doing nothing, not so much a feeling of guilt or boredom, but an expectation. the expectation that what i’m currently doing (even if it’s blowing into a kleenex) isn’t what i’m supposed to be doing. i should be tending the blog, making crafts for school, drawing awesome pictures, planning a spectacular wedding, etc. there is never enough time and surely less time to be still.
but if i make any resolutions or pinky swears this year, being still should be one of them. being still isn’t the same as being idle, being silent, or being lost. being still means remembering a line you’d forgotten from your favorite book, smelling needles on a fir tree, noticing the hum of the wind in the car, and listening to a pug snore. being still means taking a couple minutes (when you don’t have any) and enjoying a simple moment. being still means inhaling a slow, steady breath and realizing that above working, above blogging, above “things i should be doing” is a meager and warm threshold called living.
so in 2013, i’ll be busy. i’ll be creative. i’ll be loud. i’ll be mischievous. i’ll be happy. when i need to be, i’ll be still, and then i’ll be back to myself.
happy new year.